Veronica's Blog

I am a total groupie | June 18, 2009

This blog entry is certainly overdue, but it wasn’t until this morning that I really had the words to put it all together.  Here goes:

Since you last heard from me I have been amazed at how help has been coming from all sides to carry me through the healing process.  You should know up front that I am doing leaps & bounds better… perhaps even better than my good days before this difficult season, for now I know the precious value of being healthy and strong.

My Holy help has come in a myriad of different ways, some of which I have mentioned before but they are worth repeating.  First, you have helped me in tremendous ways.  Your willingness to read this blog, pray for me, and walk with me as I process my hurts and fears has been nothing short of tremendous.  I have heard from so many friends, family, and even my Sunday School class that they are rooting me on, wanting to be there even across long distances.  You have been.  You have been right there and your prayers have lifted me.  I am forever grateful.

The medical treatment I received from Emory has also launched me into a new season of life.  Between the medicine (which my body has now adjusted to) and the regular counseling sessions, I have emerged from the darkest place with tools to transform hardship into opportunity.  I have also learned a great deal about myself, including my needs and limits, which is empowering me to make healthier decisions about what I say “yes” to and when I need to say “no”.  My counselor has helped me see the value and necessity of boundaries in life, and I am applying them without guilt in order to climb back to a sustainable place.  In all of this, I have learned a great deal about how much all of us need encouragement, affection, love, and celebration- and I pray this experience will help me bring life to other hurting people. 

As an avid reader, there are many books God strategically planted along the road to recovery.  The two most notable are Courage and Calling by Gordon T. Smith and The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz.  Courage and Calling empowered me with the right questions to ask myself when trying to determine my gifts and strengths so I may find my true calling and vocation.  Thankfully, just about the time I was discovering my deep call to raise funds for InterVarsity, God provided a miraculous way for me to remain on staff.  He is so awesome.  The Power of Full Engagement helped me see four major elements of life:  spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical as interrelated and interdependent.  It also opened my eyes to the fact that a healthy and hard-working life is not someone who is always pushing, but someone who effectively stresses their muscles and then pursues rest and recovery for the next stress.  I have made radical changes in my diet & exercise, flow of work day, weekend planning, and morning/evening routines thanks to the principles I learned from this book.  I recommend it to everyone!

As I continued to learn more about the medicine I am taking (Lexapro) I found that it is best to eliminate caffeine completely from diet, as it can negatively affect mood when consumed in conjunction with the drugs.  As a huge coffee fan, I was not excited about this!  But the Lord allowed me to find a great coffee substitute, Teeccino, that is organic and completely caffeine free.  It actually has no coffee beans in it at all, instead it is made from roots, fruits, nuts, figs, etc.  It brews like coffee, so I can continue my morning routine, but I don’t get the negative effects.  This has been a real blessing, and I am completely caffeine-free now.  Well, other than the occasional chocolate cookie…

With my work, I have been re-inspired to do the best job possible now that I am certain I will remain on staff for another year.  I put together my 2009-2010 action plan, set up new accountability structures, developed plans for strategic events, and have a whole new energy for building awareness of InterVarsity in Georgia.  I have also continued to receive encouragement and support from the National Office, which is a great inspiration to me to make them proud.  I have been encouraged in my prayer time recently, and believe that God is going to do great things with this ministry.  In fact, one afternoon I was praising him for a successful day and felt like I heard his quiet voice whisper, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet”.  Yes, God says “ain’t”.  Because of all the factors I mentioned above, I am able to think of myself as a vessel for God to use in His work, but not wholly responsible for how everything turns out – He is in control.  This has given me a new joy and sense of freedom in my work, and has allowed me to unplug at the end of the day without anxiety over tasks left undone. 

So this morning I was reading through Psalm 84, which says,

How lovely is your dwelling place

Oh Lord Almighty

My soul years, even faints

For the courts of the Lord;

My heart and my flesh cry out

for the living God

This passage spoke to me because I have spent a lot of time lately just enjoying seeking God.  Like the psalmist, my spirit and body also continue to cry out to Him.  This morning I was envisioning Jesus sitting in a room, content and peaceful, like He was waiting for me to get there.  I imagined myself approaching, sitting down, holding his hands, and just remaining in silence enjoying his company.  It felt like many moments I have had with Eric, where just being in his presence calms me down and lifts my mood.  Then I also pictured another scene with Jesus where he was teaching and I was at his feet, soaking it up like a sponge.  Being with Him felt like the best place I could possibly choose to be, because everything good & perfect & sweet filled his persona… and it just felt good to be near him.

I then thought about the people in scripture who are healed by Jesus and then turn into groupies.  They just follow him around and want to be close.  They remember how bad off they were before they met him, and they remember his miraculous healing of them, but most I think they remember how humble in spirit He was and how they felt like He really cared.  For the first time in my life I feel like one of them too.  I remember how bad life felt before he asked me, “Veronica, do you want to be healed?”.  I remember and continue to observe his gentle redirection of my life, and I am a total believer that Jesus is gentle, kind, humble, loving, and good.  For this new season of life, I can’t get enough of His presence.  I am a total groupie.