This week has been hard! More than ever, I am finding it difficult to be faithful in the small things. Even blogging is a challenge as the low points drive me to silence and confused contemplation. I have spent a lot of time milling around facebook and sleeping this week. Ug.
The biggest disappointment in my heart has been my struggle to raise my full support budget to stay on InterVarsity staff. Beyond processing ideas of failure, I deeply feel like this job is my “calling” in life. As I have thought about why God created me and put me on this earth, I believe the answer is to help InterVarsity grow and flourish in Georgia & beyond. The ministry truly does life-transforming work and I want to give my energy and time to getting the word out. When I pray about it I feel like God confirms this desire over & over again. Yet, barriers remain steadily blocking the way. How does one make sense of this & move on?
This morning I was reading scripture (and praying earnestly for God to do a miracle!), and the following passage in Ephesians 3: 14-21 accurately sums up what I desire to see from God:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with his power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Please pray for me this week that God would do “immeasurably more than I ask or imagine” and miraculously provide a way for me to live out my calling. Please pray that I would be amazed at his power and perfect plan, and see his perfect design in my life. Please pray that I would not give up on dreams, lose hope, or fall into despair again.
